Cupcakes
by FLuFFy
Summary: Because nothing on this show makes sense anymore, I created this. It's silly. :)


"Cupcakes"  
BY: FLuFFy  
RATING: PG13  
NOTES: May be spoilery up to "Forgiving". Angel eats a cupcake and transforms into Goofy!Angel. Actually, I wouldn't doubt if the writers tried something like this. Why? Because NOTHING makes sense on Angel anymore. You might want to have seen the preview for "Double or Nothing" before reading. But it's not important.   
  
  
This is going to be silly...  
  
  
~~~  
  
  
[scene. Hyperion, day. Angel broods (naturally), Fred is busy mixing liquid Bromine and Cadmium 168 as a possible cure for cancer, Lorne is making cupcakes, and Gunn is around for no reason at all.]  
  
[Angel sniffs and looks constipated as he stares at Connor's empty crib.]  
  
ANGEL: Connor...  
  
FRED: I've got it!  
  
ANGEL: You found Conner?  
  
FRED: No. But! If I place the Bromine and Cadmium under a black light, they're sure to coagulate and form a paste which could be ingested as a cure for cancer.  
  
ANGEL: Shut up, Fred.  
  
FRED: But!  
  
[Gunn stands up for his one obligatory line]  
  
GUNN: Listen to him, Fred. If he tells you to shut up again I might hafta stake him.  
  
LORNE: [as gayly as possible] Hey, pumpkin, the cupcakes are ready.  
  
[Angel, faking mortality, takes a huge bite of cupcake. He immediately transforms into Goofy!Angel]  
  
ANGEL: Cartoons are cool! You know Donald Duck? He never wore pants! BUT! When he came out of the shower, he had a towel around his waist! Isn't that crazy!? Crazy? Did someone say crazy? I was once crazy and they locked me in a room and the bats ate my eyes. Bats? Did someone say bats? I hate bats! They drive me crazy! Crazy? Did someone say crazy?...  
  
GUNN & FRED: Shut up!  
  
ANGEL: ...turns out it was peanut butter! Can you believe that? That's the nuttiest thing I've ever seen!  
  
[Gunn comes at Angel with a staple-remover (AS SEEN IN "Forgiving")]  
  
ANGEL: ...Hey! That's uncalled for!  
  
LORNE: Easy, Charles.  
  
  
[cue dramatic music (or Enya, because in promos it's ALWAYS Enya) as Scruffy!Wesley enters the Hyperion, acting overly British and neglected. And he can speak...because NOTHING makes sense on this show anymore.]  
  
  
WESLEY: Oh, woe is me! The anguish! The bloody awful pain! [realizes Angel is there] Oh, dear. Hello, Angel.  
  
ANGEL: Hello, Newman! ...I love Seinfeld!  
  
WESLEY: Pardon?  
  
FRED: It's Wesley! Wesley is important. Everyone needs Wes! We just can't do anything without Wesley!  
  
GUNN: ...you just found a cure for cancer.  
  
FRED: Yep. I bet Wesley helped somehow. Through telepathy or something!  
  
GUNN & WESLEY: Shut up, Fred.  
  
WESLEY: Oh, such despair!  
  
ANGEL: ...Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis!? I loved that show! You know what else I loved? Leonardo DiCaprio! I cried at the end of Titanic. Did you cry at the end of Titanic? I...  
  
[Fred lunges at Angel with a stapler, only to be pushed back in mid-air by...]  
  
CORDELIA: [enters.] What's going on!? [cue some more Enya]  
  
[St. Cordelia is glowing as she uses telekinesis as a plot device...er...way to keep Fred from beating Angel with a stapler]  
  
CORDELIA: What's wrong with Angel? [notices how goofy he's acting]  
  
ANGEL: ...I want chicken, I want liver. Meow mix, meow mix. Please deliver!  
  
LORNE: We don't know.  
  
WESLEY: Oh, Woe is me!!!  
  
LORNE: [ignoring wesley's cries for attention] He went goofy after he ate my cupcake.  
  
FRED: *GASP* This looks like a job for Super Fred!  
  
[Fred examines a piece of cupcake in about 2.67 seconds]  
  
FRED: Aha! It appears that somebody has injected Prothyesphaminite, a heavy stimulant, into these cupcakes.  
  
GUNN: [for no reason] Yo!  
  
WESLEY: Oh, I'm in such pain! I might as well die!  
  
CORDELIA: [conveniently gets a new power: dimensional transport. Sahjhan magically appears] He has to know what's going on!  
  
ANGEL: Heh. He just appeared out of nowhere. That's just nuts! I like cashews the best...even though I have no reason to eat food. Heh!  
  
SAHJHAN: What do you want, infidel?  
  
LORNE: [more gayly than before] Easy, sweet pea.  
  
CORDELIA: [still glowing. because she can, you know.] What did you do? [growls]  
  
SAHJHAN: Heh. I don't like to brag, but...Eat any good cupcakes lately?  
  
ANGEL: I did!  
  
WESLEY: Woe is me!  
  
FRED: You poisoned the cupcakes so we'd get mad enough to kill Angel ourselves.  
  
SAHJHAN: Bingo, missy!  
  
[Adult Connor appears out of nowhere, because, like I said before. NOTHING makes sense on this show anymore.]  
  
CONNOR: Dude, why didn't you just go back and kill him while he was sittin' on the crapper?  
  
SAHJAHN: I will not tolerate your insolence, Connor!  
  
CORDELIA: I think I can fix Angel. [And she can....because she's Saint Cordelia] She zaps a magical blue light at Angel. He turns into Broody Angel immediately. Sahjhan disappears, because NOTHING...oh, you know.]  
  
LORNE: Ugh. The stain from your blue glow is gonna be a bitch to get out!  
  
CONNOR: Hello, dad.  
  
ANGEL: Connor?  
  
WESLEY: Oh, the anguish!  
  
  
  
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS:   
Joss 'barely there' Whedon   
and   
David 'we're a completely different show than Buffy' Greenwalt  
  
  
  
NEXT WEEK ON ANGEL:  
  
[dramatic promo guy speaks. Enya plays in the background.]  
  
...surrounded by darkness...  
  
[gratuitous Evil Angel shots]  
  
...he was given a chance at redemption...  
  
NOW...  
  
Connor is...back.  
  
ANGEL: Connor? [turns into super Goofy Angel] Like, we've got so much to catch up on or some junk.  
  
CONNOR: I want you [voice cracks as the actor hits puberty] dead.  
  
WESLEY: It's quite a bit of despair, actually!  
  
FRED: I planted a rainforest! The key was creating a biodome with the atmospheric conditions of Bolivia.  
  
GUNN: Man, this is some f-ed of shi...  
  
  
...An all new Angel...Monday on the WB. 


End file.
